Full Time Ministry is a Choice

The past two years for my husband and I have been interesting, to say the least. I think in many ways we have grown more in this short period of time than some people will in their entire lives. And if I am completely honest with you, it has been incredibly hard. But I remember in later elementary school the literal aches and pains my body felt as my I grew, and I realize, it was for a purpose.

                               

For me, some of the pains from the past two years were physical. Some made me weak physically, but as I gain that physical strength back, I realize how much stronger I have become emotionally.  I will tell you this: emotional growth does not mean you stop crying, you stop caring or you stop feeling. It means that your pains repair themselves easier. It is similar to the way an experienced long distance runner’s muscles repair themselves more quickly and easily the more they practice. There may be pain, but there is much reward.

In some ways I feel like these experiences have defined me, but I think it all began sometime nearly four years ago. As I sat in an open school hut in the heat of a Mozambican day, a woman told an incredible story of how in the midst of fear, she chose to love and forgive someone who had harmed her and it brought her so much healing. How this brought her to realize that everyday she must choose to love others, regardless of the circumstance. I said right then “that is what I want to do. I want to love others no matter what.”

A few days later as some friends and I were laying under a tree when a belligerent man carrying a weapon ran through the town chasing another man. In the area we were in, there was very little authority, and the main reason people didn’t harm one another was because they needed one another to survive. It wasn’t long before the man made his way back to where we were sitting, and he looked over and saw us. Immediately I began saying the word “peace” out loud repeatedly. And I prayed to myself “God, please help me love this person, because I am very afraid.”

The man threw the weapon, fell to his knees and laid his face on the floor. The only person with us who knew his language said “he is asking for help.” I laid my hand on his shoulder and began praying for him. Because of the possible risk we were in, we were asked to leave while some men came to help him. My adrenaline was going and my mind was having a hard time understanding what had just happened.

To be honest, even though the city I grew up in has a significant crime rate, I, myself, hadn’t experienced much more than a few fistfights. This event was quite significant to me. Something I couldn’t have even imagined. 

Fast forward a few months and I was back in Texas. I was back in the American workforce and feeling content with my job as a preschool teacher. Loving the little kids and trying to see the best in each child became my “ministry.” But at times the people in my life would make me angry and I definitely didn’t pray, “God help me love them.” It was more “God, get me away from them.” Real life situations would become hard and my prayer would be “God, fix this. Don’t make me deal with these crazy people.” Maybe not that exact prayer, but I can remember a few very similar.

When we found out we were pregnant, the excitement didn’t last for long as I was told only a week later that we had lost the baby. The thought of losing a child, for me, only lasted a week, though. We were one of the “misdiagnosed miscarriages” that happen more often than I had realized. But as I realized how many miscarriages were real, true miscarriages, my heart began to break. The pain that I felt for a week was something some mothers would mourn for a lot longer. Possibly a lifetime.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I was led to mourn the loss of our daughter. At 20 weeks my water broke and I was told that labor would come soon and I would have to deliver. The doctor asked if I wanted them to go ahead and deliver, but we said no. Six weeks later I still had not gone into labor, and was waiting on our daughter’s arrival in the hospital. Her delivery was an emergency and scary in so many ways, but it is still one of my fondest memories.

At some point during my pregnancy, I remembered those words “love no matter what.” Many times that is what kept me going.

And now, many times, it is what drives me. I began receiving so many requests to speak with or meet a mother who had just had a child early, or whose water broke significantly early. I was given a chance to share what our family had gone through and conquered. I got to choose joy over bitterness time and time again. And that made all the difference in how I began to heal.

Being so deep in a church culture where “full time ministry” is talked about so often, it is easy to focus on it being a job such as a pastor, worship pastor or missionary just to name a few titles. Each and every one of the people who hold such titles are incredibly important to the Body of Christ, but even more important is how they respond when the barista gets their order wrong at Starbucks.

In the past two years, more than ever I have realized that “full time ministry” is a choice. It is a choice to love no matter what. 

To hold the hand of the mother who seems to have it all together, but just wants to be vulnerable with someone and tell them she feels like she is falling apart. To help a family through a difficult diagnosis. To cry in your office with the woman who is trying to get her husband’s affairs in order after he has passed on. To be alert and notice that the reason a student of yours is acting out is because he is dealing with adult issues outside of school. To choose full time ministry and love no matter what in every single interaction of every single day.

If we can’t do these things on a day-to-day basis, what is the rest of it all for?

A Reminder To Myself

      Sometimes we all need a reminder.  To look at where we've been in order to prepare for where we are going, but also have gratitude for what is happening in this moment...right...now.

      This hit me hard yesterday:

   It was about two years ago that Stef found out she was pregnant.  I remember the day well.  She had been sick for about a week.  We suspected she may be pregnant.  So we drove into town, (we were living/working out in the middle of nowhere at the time), we went to church.  We picked up a couple of tests on the way to our friends's with whom we were spending the afternoon.  It was positive.  We called our parents.  The rest of the day was spent in a celebratory daze of shock, awe and blessedness.
 
     The next day, I got laid off.  On top of that, we were told that we had six days to vacate the place where we were living.  So here's the scenario:  We go from a newly married with a stable income and the next two years comfortably planned out...to pregnant, unemployed and homeless in a 24-hour time period.  We had $180 in our bank account and $500 worth of bills due.  Needless to say, it was a lot to take in.
   
       Although I wanted to get into a cycle of feeling sorry for myself and being pissed off at how massive a failure the whole thing was, something in my spirit checked me into the boards.  I'd been asking for a transformation.  I'd been asking for the next great thing to "do" with my life.  Well, God gave me exactly what I needed.  As that famous dude once said, "Ask and it will be given."  It was up to me to accept the gift and to see the situation with the right pair of eyes.
   
       Some friends of ours took us in, so we at least had a place to stay, in fact, it was a resort compared to where we had been living.  I couldn't draw unemployment so I took the first job I was offered.  Although generally, I would have considered the work "beneath me" because of my prior education and experience, I took the job because it met my needs.  It was quick money. There was opportunity for rapid advancement.  In the interview they didn't mind hiring me, even though I told them I would be looking for a teaching job in the meantime and was going to quit as soon as I landed one.  They also didn't mind hiring me even though I still had a resisting arrest charge pending dismissal on my record.  I spent the next month as a laborer, working 14 hour days.  In Texas.  In the summer.  Picking up trash.
     
       Everything worked out.  Much more has happened since.  It's a long story.  But here are a few lessons I learned during that trying time.

All dolled up for some hard work.

        1.  The world doesn't owe you anything.  Nope.  Not one red cent.  God doesn't owe you anything either.  You've already been given the gift of life.  That is opportunity enough.  Thinking any differently will automatically turn you into a victim and make you powerless to every circumstance that comes your way.  My boss didn't care that I had a master's degree.  The garbage wasn't going to pick up itself just because of my education.  All my boss and the company cared about is that the job got done right and the client was happy.  It was eye-opening when this realization hit me, because for most of my life I had been walking around with a chip on my shoulder thinking the world owed me a great payout for how hard I'd worked up to that point.  Because that had been my attitude, most of my life had been spent as a victim.  Knowing that you're owed nothing, will show you that you already have everything.  Now you're in the driver's seat.  The world, and any circumstance that befalls you, are gifts and teachers, rather than "enemies" trying to steal from you.

         2.    Who or what you blame will have power over you.  When picking up trash all day every day, I had a lot of time to think.  Usually, my first thought would be where does all this trash come from?  From there, it would be really easy for me to get mad at the people who didn't clean up after themselves.  After all, if they did, I wouldn't have to be out in the sun cleaning up.  When I began to think like that, blaming others, I immediately gave power over myself to 100s of strangers.  Again, blaming others or circumstances not only will make you a victim, but it will also make you a victim that has willingly been victimized.  I spent much of my life secretly blaming others for my "failures".  I blamed my parents for not sending me to a better college and causing me to go into debt.  I blamed religion for not going further with my career as a basketball player.  I opted out of playing in many high-profile tournaments because games were on Sundays and I felt guilty for playing on Sundays.  The list goes on.  Ultimately I had to learn that I was responsible for everything that had happened to me in my life up to that point.  You have made every decision and thought every thought that has culminated in you arriving exactly where you are right now.  It is no one else's responsibility.  You have unlimited power and energy by which to create, partner with and transform the world around you.  If you are constantly blaming other people or circumstances you are telling that person or circumstance that you would rather they hold onto your personal power because you are afraid to use it.

Worth it.

       3.     There's no such thing as failure.  For a guy with two college degrees, working as a laborer picking up trash could seem like a giant failure, before that, leading my family into unemployment and homelessness could also look like a big fat failure.  But failure indeed is in the eye of the beholder.  You only fail when you choose to see the results as a failure.  In my situation, although my circumstances did not look the way I thought they should look, I was learning valuable lessons and skills along the way.  I got promoted from general laborer (where I picked up trash all day) to crew leader.  I got a company car, and I learned how to use all kinds of machines I never knew how to use before.  Now, it is a bold-faced lie to say that getting what you want is going to be easy.  It isn't.  But even if your outcome is less desirable than you may have imagined, you still have become something in the process.  Your thoughts have changed.  You have changed.  Because in the midst of doing things, what you've learned through it can never be taken away from you.

      Maybe that's one of the mysteries we're supposed to learn as humans.  Maybe that's one of the doors that can show us the eternal seed we all have burning within.  
 


Love you all,

Matt.
 

An Update: Olive the Toddler Part 1

It seems like it has been a lifetime since I have written anything about Olive and her progress. Mostly because she has been doing so well health wise. We are 1 year and 2 months out of the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). We are getting close to the 1 year mark of the first time her oxygen was off and we could see her beautiful cheeks. She is almost walking. But the thing that gets me the most is: she is eating.


To give you some background, Olive was born at 26 weeks gestation. That is 14 weeks early in terms of a normal pregnancy.  This was 6 weeks after my water broke. She was on oxygen support for the first 7 months of her life and in the NICU for the first 5. She had 3 surgeries before coming home. One of which gave her a long term feeding tube called a Mic-key Gastronomy Tube or more commonly known as a "g-tube" or "g-button".

The reason for the g-tube is that at 3 months old, it was discovered she aspirated. There wasn't a clear reason why she did, but a combination of her prematurity and the lack of amniotic fluid before birth were often mentioned. Upon coming home from the hospital, insurance issues caused her to lose two months of speech therapy. Once she finally began feeding therapy at home, she had already lost her interest in taking a bottle.

Fast forward to January of 2015. She is 1 year old. She is not taking enough by mouth from a bottle or cup to do another exam to see if she is still aspirating. The therapist performing the exam decides to try giving it by syringe and this time she passes! We are told to take it slow, but we should be able to give her nectar thick liquids and see how she does. So we do. Months go by and we are giving her water, milk, juice and while on a rare occasion she takes a little bit of volume, the only thing she really takes very much of is lemonade. The only solid foods she will take by mouth are potato chips.

To say it was frustrating was similar to saying that blue whales are large animals. We began testing the limits. One evening a few weeks ago, we were eating pork chops (the kind without the bone). I gave her a small piece of mine, maybe the size of mini candy bar. She began chewing on it. After a few minutes, we noticed that the pork chop was getting smaller. She was eating! As we experimented, she began eating more and more.

And then she got a cold. While momentarily, her feeding slowed down, she was still eating. Because of her history and the fact that she had a high temperature and a bit of coughing, her doctor decided it would be best to do a chest X-ray. Her pediatrician quickly called me to discuss the films. While her lungs looked clear, there were a few notes the radiologist made.

Back in January she had a chest X-ray at the local children's hospital emergency room.  The same X-ray company who administered her recent X-ray does the imaging in this particular hospital also. The radiologist who looked at the films for the new X-ray commented on two things that he had noticed on the January X-ray.

First, along with her g-tube surgery, she also had what is called a Nissen Fundoplication to better control her reflux and hopefully reduce aspiration. It seemed that the Nissen was herniated and part of her stomach is in her chest. This actually explains a common problem she has with a rattling in her chest after having reflux. Her Surgeon said that as long as there are not outward signs of distress, she is completely fine and will grow out of it.

The other, was a little bit more concerning. They could see a narrowing of the trachea (windpipe). It was notated as "stenosis" on her X-ray, but her Pulmonologist assured us that it was not stenosis, and more than likely not as serious. He did want to investigate what was causing the narrowing, and felt that a CT scan would be the best way to see this. Depending on the CT scan we will know what, if any next steps we will take. This could take a few days.

Overall Olive is very healthy. While she has her good days and bad days as far as eating goes, I think that is pretty normal toddler behavior. We are incredibly proud of her regardless, and have taught her to celebrate her achievements. She has learned how to tell us no, how to do many fine motor activities, climb on pretty much anything that she can get herself onto and tell us she wants to watch Frozen. She also sings "Let it Go" for the majority the words she says.

We are hoping to give you all some good news about her CT Scan soon, and want to thank you for all of your praying. We have seen Olive come so far past prematurity that we know this will just be another bump.

Olive with Harmony Bear at 1 month.

Olive with Harmony Bear at 18 months.

Building Fitness Fun into a Busy Lifestyle

     I would work out but...
     I would go for a run but...
   
     I would write this blogpost but...

     I get it.  A job.  Kids.  The spouse.  The commute.  Where and how can we find time for the world to witness our fitness?  

     We've all been there.  Knowing that we need to get out there and be more active but...something always comes up.  Or there are the days when we just. don't. feel. like it.

    In this week's post, I'm taking you all on a run with me!  (Pardon the shoddy camera work, I was my own film crew, director and stuntman).  Along the way, I'll share some tips on how to build fun into your fitness and build fitness into a busy schedule.

Tip #1:
Exercise is a ritual.  Find a way to build it into your day.  I usually find a place to go on my way      home from work.  Here I am at McKinney Roughs Nature Park.

Tip #2:  Enjoy the scenery and find your ease.  Here's how I do it:

                                 Public Service Announcement:  Relax!

Tip #3:

Build in a Reward.  You're working hard.  Pay yourself for the effort :-)

Tip #4:

Mix it up.  Take advantage of your environment.  

Awaken the spirit of adventure!

Tip #5:

Revisit Tip #1.  Build your workout into your commute.  If you live close...you can run or bike to work!  And...always keep some workout gear in your car.  

Happy trails, my friends!  Share how you build fitness into your schedule and we'll give you a shoutout on the Facebook page!

Love you all.

-Matt

Is Great Teaching Really Just Great Customer Service?

As some of you already know, when I’m not chasing a toddler around, running a ridiculous amount of miles, working on one of my various writing projects or out rescuing puppies from burning high-rise apartments, I am a teacher at a high school for at-risk youth.  Last week I had the opportunity to present a development seminar to colleagues in my district about changing the educational paradigm and how it really starts in the heart of the teacher.  Later in the week, after having a horrible experience as a customer in dealing with a representative of a particular company, I had a marvelous revelation:  Great customer service and great teaching are parallel.

I know what you’re thinking, especially if you’re one of my fellow teachers reading this,  “Students aren’t customers.  They can’t choose not to be in my class and I can’t choose not to work with a student without some serious legal gymnastics.”  Bear with me.

For those of you on the customer service end, you may be thinking, “Yeah, I’m in this business because teachers are crazy people.”  I won’t debate that.  But you may say, “I’m not trying to teach my customer anything.  I just want to create a good experience for them.”  That’s when I say:  B-I-N-G-O.

A Yucky Classroom experience and
Bad Customer service 
both feel like the above photo.

Two of my big takeaways from the last week both in my teacher training and through my terrible customer service experience are:  1.  Great teaching and great customer service both create a positive experience.  2.  Great teaching and great customer service employ action to build trust.  I will talk about both briefly below.

                 1.  Great teaching and great customer service both create positive experiences.  In my work environment I generally deal with what are known as “reluctant learners.”  That is the politically correct way of saying most of my students are at very low levels academically and socially, usually several grades levels below their current grade level.  In other words, my average student may be in 10^th grade, but may only be able to read at a 4^th grade level and write at a 3^rd grade level.  This being the raw material I have to work with, forces me to ask another question:  What isn’t the educational system doing to get this child where he/she needs to be?  Why is this student shutting down?  The simple answer is that these students have not had very many or any positive experiences in an educational setting.  In the world of a teacher, if I can create a positive experience for these learners, their reluctance dissipates and they will go above and beyond any of their or my expectations.  If I create a negative experience, why is a student going to work for me?  My students lose out if I create a negative experience in my classroom. So do I. 

The Monk says:
Customers and Students 
require trust.

It’s the same in customer service.  My wife and I really love Kerbey Lane Café in Austin.  In particular, we love their original location over on Kerbey Lane.  We just can’t stop going there.  Why?  We love the food.  We like the building.  The staff is friendly.  Put all of that together and what do you get?  A positive experience.  Because we have a positive experience we keep returning.  On the flip side, earlier this week, Stef and I had a very bad customer service experience with a certain representative.  As a result, we are no longer working with this individual.  While we could have been sending the representative a ton of referrals, both the representative and company are losing since our experience was terrible.  Our recommendations and future business will now go elsewhere.

 2.  Great teaching and great customer service employ action that builds trust.  Kids are the masters at holding adults to their word.  Any parent can attest to this.  If mom and dad promise little Johnny he’ll get an ice cream if he finishes his homework, once that homework is finished, mom and dad better have ice cream for him.  If mom and dad do not get him the ice cream, not only are they risking a level 47 meltdown...  mom and dad also run the risk of Johnny never doing his homework again AND more importantly, Johnny is going to think his parents are full of crap.  In other words, Johnny will not trust mom and dad, and will continue to push the limits thereby creating extreme scenarios for his parents to regain control. 

Teaching is the same way.  If a student asks me for something and I affirm that I can arrange to make it happen, I better make it happen.  If I don’t, the student then thinks I’m full of crap, and I run the risk of losing that student for the rest of the year.  As a teacher, my most powerful words are, “Go ask the principal.”  In all seriousness, NO is one of the most powerful things I can tell a student when I can’t back an affirmation up with an action.  The student will get over it and I will have maintained trust in our relationship.  In the student-teacher relationship it is imperative that a YES is backed up with immediate action. 

On the customer service end, please do not tell a client one thing to make them feel good and not back it up with an action.  This will immediately break the trust of the client and they will think the representative and the company for which the representative works is full of crap.  This was the bane of our bad customer service experience this week.  Stef and I were told one thing, no action was taken on the part of the representative.  This broke our trust and confidence in the representative.  So we quickly terminated the relationship and went in another direction.  Because the representative did not take action, his company lost immediate and potential business.

"The man who doesn't reach decisions promptly when he has all the necessary facts in hand cannot be depended upon to carry out decisions after he makes them."  --Napolean Hill

To conclude:  Action builds trust and trust builds positive environments.  Students need positive environments in which they feel safe and empowered.  I find the relationship intriguing and empowering.  I’m excited to delve into this topic more in future posts!  In what ways can you employ these concepts to empower you own life?  Let me know and let the fun commence!